OK Powerful Ladies, today I have a bone to pick. As part of the research for my book, I have been interviewing professional women who are also Moms and also engaged in some sort of business development. One of the questions I ask is, “How would you rate your business development skills.” All of the women except one, answered in some self-deprecating or dramatically under-stated manner. Even the women who has just finished telling me amazing stories about fantastic business development wins rated themselves as not great but improving or OK but not as good as I should be. In the interviews there seemed to be no correlation between the women’s accomplishments and the self-ratings.
Curious about this strange disconnect, I decided to ask a few of my male attorney friends about their business development skills. Perhaps, all professionals are advised to be modest about their business development skills??? Nope- definitely not the case. The average answer from the men were things like, “I rock, I kill it, I was born to do business development” The answers from the men were colorful and oozing with self-confidence. Now, knowing these fellows I can tell you that from the outside looking in these are not necessarily the descriptions that I would originally assign to their abilities. But, upon hearing their confidence, I was swayed. If they are so sure of their abilities, they must be good at it. Their language impacted my opinion and I instantly upgraded my opinion of their abilities. (hmm-take note!)
Back to my opening sentence, Powerful Ladies, I have a bone to pick. I am tired of Powerful Ladies giving away their power. I know that many of us, myself included, value manners. I also know that growing up we were taught not to boast, no one likes a braggart, and many other constraining beliefs. That is all well and good, but good manners do not require excessive modesty. It certainly does not require self-sabotage. For many of the women that I interviewed, business development was a critical part of their future career opportunities. Despite their notable success they were under-selling their abilities thus creating doubt in their own minds and in the minds of anyone else that is listening. So, Powerful Ladies please STOP giving away your power by using limiting language that does not serve you, represent you, or embody your abilities. Be conscious of your language choices. Not only do we teach others how to treat us, our language teaches them how to perceive us. Even if you are not entirely confident in your abilities, choose language that embodies the ability you wish to attain. I am not advocating lying about your abilities but sometime we do have to fake it until we make it. Take a note from my male attorney friends and give an answer that empowers you and leaves no room for doubt in your own mind or that of your listener.
The next time someone asks you a question about your abilities and you are struck by the need to offer a modest answer- stop. For the sake of Powerful Ladies everywhere, resist the urge to be modest and instead speak up, speak out, & answer in a way that represents who you truly are and who you want to become. In short, answer like the Powerful Lady that you are!
Jonelle Vold is a business coach passionate about the success of women. A mother of twins, former Assistant Dean at a tier one law school, attorney, and seasoned sales professional, Jonelle understands the challenges of professional women. Her coaching philosophy is every person has the ability to achieve greatness by cracking their own personal codes and living with intention. Jonelle would love to help you or your organization achieve success and reach new heights in your professions.
Contact Jonelle at jonelle@jonellevold.com, 520-225-9053 or www.coachhonoree.com/jonelle
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